extra, extra, read all about it

i love spam.

the email, not the food. it's a not-really-guilty pleasure of mine. during my email manager days at pangea, i had a collection of funny spam subject lines. at the time, we were getting about 30 a day with subjects containing fake "names" made by pairing random nouns & gerunds and sticking an initial in the middle, e.g. Ascending J. Biopsy.
good times, good times.

i don't do much with email at work anymore, but things were slow today, so i was cruising through the inbox. there were some amusing word pairings ("Thumbnail Doorman", "Risen Constipate", "Scuba Mulatto"), but then i ran across a whole cache of fake headlines. they started off as fabricated celebrity news like, "Angelina dumps Brad" or "J-Lo Dies in Fiery Car Crash". then they turned a little dirty:


Hillary Clinton Naked Video

Priest and Nun Humping in Confession Room


it quickly morphed into an issue of Weekly World News:


Spongebob Denies Reports He is Gay

Boy Breaks Tooth From Biting Dog

Aliens Abducted by Michael Jackson

Britney Spears Pregnant with Antichrist


then it just got weird.

there's this game catherine introduced me to called Headlines where everyone writes a funny headline on a piece of paper & passes it to the person next to them. then each person draws a picture to go with the headline they were passed, folds the paper so you can't read the headline & passes it again. then you write a headline to go with the picture, etc. it's like Telephone but more ridiculous and when you play with a group of people who all have a similar sense of humor, hilarity ensues. anyway, some of these subject lines could've been taken straight from our Headline games from Franklin trips past:


Mouse Taunts Man, Steals Dentures

Argentine Smuggles Cocaine in Chocolate Cookies

Bush Says He Still Believes Iraq War Was the Fun Thing to Do

John McCain: "I Promise to Invade Your Vaginas"

Plucky Pensioner Discovers Hitler in His Local Starbucks

Courtney Love Vows to Wear Clothes

Teenage Girl Obviously Having Affair With Bat

Where Do Homosexuals Get All Their Energy?

Paris Hilton Initially Denies Having Inverted Nipples

Tiger Woods Will Call Next Son "Monkey"

Martian Soil Fantastic for Growing Weed says NASA

Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility But Murder on the Balls


last but not least, my favorite:


Attack of the Zombie Negroes: Dick Cheney