just like letterman, but not funny

*TOP TEN MOST INFURIATING JOB POSTINGS*

#10 -
The Agency Job, in which the ad turns out to be a generic overview of positions you might get if you sign up with this or that staffing service. When searching for admin jobs, these are 75% of the hits. All I can say is, no thanks. I'd rather not have to spend several months auditioning for a job I'm already doing, hoping that management will decide that I'm worthy of health benefits.

#9 -
The Anonymous Job, in which the ad gives a generic description of the work, but with no indication of what the company is or even what they do. "Wanted: Receptionist - Full-time position. Front desk, phones and light filing. Call Bob @ XXX-XXXX." Okaaaay, great. But some of us have these things called "values". I'd be perfectly happy answering phones for the Humane Society, but not so much for Lockheed Martin. More details, please.

#8 -
The Too Good To Be True Job, in which the ad reads like my dream job, until the end. Casual work environment? Working behind the scenes? And no phone answering? And I can set my own schedule? And work with animals?!?! And...oh. And you only want someone for 15 hours a week. Nevermind.

#7 -
The Cheap Labor Job, in which the ad states a preference for the very young and the very old. "Great entry level position! Perfect for college students or retirees!" That's HR-Speak for, "We want to be able to justify paying you very little and denying you benefits."

#6 -
The Unreasonable Job, in which the position demands lots of documentable experience and lots of marketable skills but offers very little pay. "Staff Assistant - Minimum 5 years of progressively responsible administrative experience. Must be highly skilled in Powerpoint, Excel, Dreamweaver and Photoshop. Salary Range: $18,000-$20,000" I see this at schools a lot and I hate to rag on them because I'm sure that getting money from the state is a constant game of tug-o-war. But there's no way that an experienced candidate would work in a situation like that unless they were really desperate for free college credit.

#5 -
The Fake Out, in which the ad title is euphemistically deceptive. For instance, a job with a dog poop disposal crew might have the title "Work Outdoors!" The worst one I've seen was titled "Animal Caretaker" which obviously appealed to me. But when I clicked on the ad, it turned out to be for laboratory animal "care". Bastards. Maybe I should get the job and then go all 'Project X' on their asses.

#4 -
The TXT MSG Job, in which the ad reads like a post in a teen chat room. "^^^^^^GREAT OPPORTUNITY! SERIOUSLY DONT PASS THIS UP!!!1^^^^^^GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR SEND RESUME TO SHEILA AT SHEILA@BLAHBLAH.COM" I half expect them to end with OMG LOL. A lot of these end up being work-at-home scams, but some are from legitimate businesses...businesses that apparently have 14-year-olds working for HR.

#3 -
The Spellcheck Job, in which the ad has more spelling errors than Craigslist Rants & Raves. "Receptionist needed for busy medical practice. Strong costumer service skill a MUST. Collage grad prefferd. Send you're resume and salery requirments to info@drsoandso.com" On the one hand, if the person who's posting the ad doesn't know the difference between to & too or there, their & they're, then someone like me would make a great impression and would probably rise through the ranks fairly quickly. On the other hand, it would drive me insane to work for someone who values a college education but can't be bothered to spell it correctly.

#2 -
The Management-Speak Job, in which the ad talks a lot but says very little. These are the ads you can read three times and still have no idea what the job is. They're usually peppered with words like "interfacing", "dynamic", "liason", "compliance" and "proactive". They basically waste a lot of space trying to make a menial job sound important. Here's a sentence taken verbatim from an ad I read recently: "Selected candidate will provide administrative and clerical support to relieve department managers or staff of administrative details." Yeah...that's generally why you hire someone. So they can do the things you don't want to do. It's ok for some concepts to be obvious. I don't need phrases like "effectively manages internal and external communications" to understand that they want someone who works well with others. Also, I hate the word "multi-tasking." Whenever I end up using it in a cover letter, a small piece of me dies.

And the #1 most infuriating job posting is...actually, I don't know. I could only think of nine. I guess the most irritating ads are the ones I don't see...the ones for jobs I'm interested in...the ones I might actually get and know I would be good at. Where the hell are all of those?