i took steve to the airport a couple hours ago. he'll be in california for four nights. i always get lonely & anxious when he's out of town but i'm more emotional about it this time around since i'm more emotional about everything nowadays. unfortunately, this means that all the normal stuff, like missing him and having trouble sleeping when he's not here, will be compounded by fear - the This-Is-All-Too-Perfect Fear.
the thing is, our life is really great. i may bitch & moan about my job and money. but i know i have the luxury of complaining about that stuff because the important shit is covered. my home is comfortable, my friends, family & pets are awesome and i have a husband whose very presence calms me after even the most awful day. and now, bonus! we're having a baby! our family life can't be beat.
but lately, when steve puts his hand on my belly to feel abi kick and looks adoringly at me, all i can think is, "now comes the part in the movie where you get hit by a bus."
maybe that means i'm more of a pessimist than i care to admit. or maybe it just means i've watched too much joss whedon.* either way, this is one of those times when my fear of flying expands to fear on behalf of other people who are flying. and i know it's illogical, but i also know i won't completely relax until i see him sunday evening. it doesn't help that zoe misses him so much too. she greeted me when i came home tonight and then went right back to the door looking for daddy. when he didn't appear, the whimpering started. so sweetie, if you're reading this, enjoy your friends and your In-N-Out Burger and then come home safe to your neurotic family. we may be a mess but we're even messier without you.
*every fan knows, the first rule of whedon is that when a couple seems blissfully happy, something horrible is about to happen. i won't cite examples because i don't want to spoil anything for catherine.
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